What's at the Heart of Modesty?

A friend and I were talking a while back (you may notice a trend in my posts…oftentimes I get ideas from conversations with others) and we were discussing what is at the heart of modesty.  Some think of it as shame.  Modesty and fully covering one’s self is because you should be ashamed of what you could do with yourself…like use your body wrongly.  But this is completely not the reason why modesty is so important.

Photo Courtesy

 Modesty, on the contrary, is to protect a precious pearl.  You are beautiful.  God created you beautiful and exactly the way you should be.  And that is amazing.  However, God also created you to share your life in that special way for that one special guy.  Modesty, covering one’s self appropriately, and acting in a ladylike and godly manner, protects that pearl and saves it from the harsh elements of the world.  If exposed, that pearl is beaten and chipped until it is barely recognizable as the beautiful pearl that God created.  But if we behave according to how He would want us to, it is a beautiful thing that we cherish and modesty is one of the means we have in protecting that. 

Photo Courtesy

How to Grow Long Hair - Pt 1

"The Gift Of Long Hair"

          I was recently asked the question, "Do you have any tips for growing long hair?"
          The answer is YES! I do!  As I started to write a list of growing long hair tips, the list turned into this article about long hair.  I hope you will read it and look at your hair with new eyes and then come back later for the helpful tips on how to grow long, healthy hair.

          In a world of feminism where women are trying to become like men, long hair is becoming increasingly rare in our culture.   So why have long hair?  

Credit unknown

          In 1 Corinthians 11 we learn that a woman’s hair is her “Glory.”  It is a special crown that God made especially for women to make them distinctly different from men.  Today, we are taught that we must compete with men, to be better than them and that we can do anything they can do.  Women are deeply offended when they read verses such as 1 Peter 3:7 when it says, “…husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel….”
    “The Bible just called us WHAT?  I’m not weak!  I can do anything that a man can do, in fact, I can do it better!”
          The writer of this verse did not mean the word “Weak” to be as in wimpy or not capable of doing anything. A husband is to treat a woman gently like one would treat a rose.  A rose is precious and beautiful, but it needs to be treated gently so it can bloom, if not, it will wilt and die.  
          In Proverbs 12:4 it says that “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed (Or she who brings shame) is like rottenness in his bones.”
           To understand this properly we have to look at the word - “Virtuous”  This word means,  “Good, righteous, worthy, honorable, moral, upright, honest”

          If you have ever tried, or are working to become a virtuous woman, then you should know well by now that to become virtuous takes a very TOUGH woman!  It’s so much easier to be bad then good, unrighteous then righteous, unworthy instead of worthy.  To do things that are not honorable, moral, upright, and let’s not forget honest! It’s much easier to force our opinions then to humbly listen to others, to insist on our own way then to consider others as better then ourselves, and it is much easier to be served then to have a true servant’s heart.  Though most women would never admit it, they are not the virtuous woman in this verse but rather the one that brings shame upon her home and upon her husband.  One of the biggest reasons for this is our increasing desire throw away a crown and want to replace it with a dirty shovel instead.  
          So what does this have to do with hair?!   I’m getting to that…
          When God gave woman her long hair, He gave it to her to be her glory, as a precious gift from Him to make her distinctly different from the man.  I find it fascinating that when  God created humans to be made in His likeness, His image, to show His glory, that the distinguishing comment that He made about what He had just created was not of how smart they would be, or how beautiful they would be, or how creative, but rather He glorified the fact that He made them as “Male,” and “Female.”  As “Man” and “Woman.”   He created them so that working together they could form an image that portrayed His ultimate beauty.  Contrary to popular opinion, the Bible never degrades women nor does it demean men but exalts both as being the most precious creation of God.  (But that’s a whole other blog post)
          Our world says that gender no longer matters and that there is no need for anything distinctive difference between men and women, in fact, you can now even chose what gender you want to be!  But to the Lord, gender does matter and so do distinctive factors like hair and outward displays of pure, true femininity. 

          If you have long hair or you want to grow it long, what is your motive?  Is it to draw attention to yourself?  To try to fit a certain style? Or is your heart to treasure the special gift, the “Glory”, that your Heavenly Father has given you as a woman?  If you have short hair, what is your reason? Insecurity? Fashion? Rebellion? Or just annoyance and not wanting to take care of it if it were long?  Would you be willing to view your precious hair, whatever color or texture it may be, as a special gift from your Heavenly Father and be willing to care for it and treasure it as the glory He has given you? Will you use it to ultimately use it to point back to His perfect glory?

          We look at hair as a way to express ourselves, to display our style and our personality.  To be chopped off or dyed in one impulsive moment.  But would we be so rash if we could see our hair as the precious gift that God has given us as women?  Imagine a Father who loves His daughter so very much that He gives her a precious crown to wear on her head and she takes it and discards it in the dirt as if it were nothing.  That would hurt…

          Most of you will probably never have knee length hair or ever hair that reaches your elbow, but would you be willing to look at your hair as the gift that it was intended to be? Not comparing your gift with the hair of others and trying to constantly change it, never happy with what’s been given to you.  Would you be willing to truly look at it as a gift and something that you can use to point to God’s ultimate goodness and glory?  I hope you realize what a special treasure that you possess.

          If so, then you are now ready for tips on how to grow long, healthy hair!  To be posted on October 20th.

Video - "What Kind of Guy Should You Date?" From a man's perspective

Hello Ladies!  I recently discovered this video and thought that it would be awesome to share with you what kind of guy you should date from a Christian man's perspective.  I hope you will watch it, be inspired and encouraged to look for a 6/11 type guy.

The Importance of Dressing Modestly: Why I Believe What I Believe

 A few days ago, a friend and I were discussing my beliefs on modesty and I have to admit I was rather aghast when I realized I didn’t really have as good of documentation as I thought I had.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe strongly in dressing modestly and I think most of you who read this blog (if not all of you!) would also agree with that.  I also realize, however, that many of us might disagree on what would be considered modest. 

Before I go into this, let me say that I believe and know that I fail at this some times.  I don’t claim to be the most modest person out there, and I know there have been times that I have acted, behaved, or dressed in a manner that was far from modest.  I am not perfect – I am far, far, far from it.  But I try very hard to act, behave, and dress modestly and I hope that I succeed most of the time.  I do believe that the Lord can, and will, forgive us of our faults and I am so thankful for that forgiveness and mercy.  However, I still believe that it is important to be an outward and inward proponent of modesty.  And that is one reason why I write about it and try to encourage others in the ways of modesty.

Take for instance my previous blog on swimsuits.  I personally believe that showing any sort of cleavage or stomach is “immodest.”  Halter-tops, in my opinion, are also very immodest – in any way, shape or form.  If I can see too much of my back with a swimsuit, I quickly toss it aside as “not appropriate”…almost as fast as I cast aside a swimsuit that shows too much of my front.  I even believe a lot of one-piece swimsuits are immodest.  A lot of you would probably find my opinions radical.  And that is fine.  I know we are all entitled to our own opinions.  I still believe that being modest is important, and I believe that showing too much skin is immodest.

Now, I promise this is not another swimsuit post.  I was just using it as an example of my opinions. But let me share with you why I believe these sort of clothing items are immodest.  A big part of it is “think like a guy.”  Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  And trust me, as a girl – it is hard to think like a guy in this area.  While clothing that is too revealing (on both boys and girls) makes me extremely uncomfortable, it does not lead me to think impure thoughts.  Usually I find myself thinking, “Please, please, please cover up.  You don’t know what you are showing about yourself and even if you have a beautiful heart, it is so hard to see that with that much skin showing!”  Or I find myself blushing and thinking, “This is so sad. Someone who could be so beautiful is flaunting something that should be saved for their husband/wife.”

But guys don’t think that way.  Seeing certain things on a girl leads them to think thoughts which are impure.  In other words, how we dress can encourage a guy to sin.  Now I am not saying that it is our fault for a guy sinning.  But I am saying that I think it is important not to be a stumbling block.  While I knew some about how guys think about clothing and modesty from reading and researching and previously formulating my opinions, when I got married and could have any sort of talk I wanted with my husband, it astonished me how much affect looks and the way girls dress have on a guy.  And it is a little frightening to me how innocent, modest, immodest, and impure girls alike can tempt guys, be we knowledge of the fact or not, just based on how we dress.

We are commanded by God to look out for our brothers and sisters in Christ (and I think I should be just as concerned as the unbeliever, as well) by making sure that we present ourselves in such a way that makes them think of us as a sister.  I want others to view me with pure thoughts.  And in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 it is instructed that the young men should “not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and young women as sisters, with all purity.” (Emphasis mine.)  Similarly, it is our jobs to make sure we act and behave in such a way so as to encourage the young men about us to think of us in a pure fashion.   And that means we do have to dress modestly.

Whether you think it is okay or not, we all have to agree that that most two piece swimsuits are little more than what we wear as undergarments. I know this might come across as offensive to you if you like those, but let’s set aside emotions and just look at the fact.  Maybe there is a little bit more thickness in the fabric.  Maybe there is a tiny bit more yardage of fabric.  However, be it right or not, it is about the same amount of cloth and it is just as revealing.  But because it is worn swimming at the pool or on the beach while tanning, it is somehow viewed in our culture as being “okay.”

But…for now, let me take a quick tangent and let me introduce (or reintroduce, if you have already been introduced) to the Rebelution’s Modesty Survey.  This Modesty Survey gained the opinions of 1,600 Christian guys on how certain clothing, attitudes, etc. of girls affected them.  Let’s glance at a few of the swimsuit topics at first.

One of the survey questions stated “Bikini swimsuits are immodest.”  Of those who replied, 59.3% of the men strongly agreed (626 altogether) and 25% agreed (264 altogether).  One of the men who responded to this question (and strongly agreed) even wrote this:

“If you don't understand this, you need to start at square one. The more skin that is revealed, the more of a stumbling block. You can't reveal more skin than with a bikini. If you understood the purpose of publications like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, or the objectification of swimsuit and lingerie models, you wouldn't want to wear a bikini -- unless you actually want men to sin as they look at you.”

Another survey question stated, “Halter-top swimsuits are immodest.” Of those who replied, 21.7% (228 men) strongly agreed and 34.4% (362 men) agreed.  One guy wrote:

“Like all halter-tops, these are very difficult for guys to ignore.”

While another said,

“It’s hard to be modest and wear that. I don’t think a girl attempting to live out her modesty would be attracted to wearing it in the first place.” 

Another wrote:

“This sounds stupid, but I’ll be honest; the strings kick the imagination into “what if” overdrive.”

Let’s step away from swimsuits and look at other issues.  Such as the survey questions “strapless dresses are immodest.”  In the survey, 29.5% (292 guys) said that they strongly agreed they were immodest and 36.4% (361 guys) stated they agreed.  Some of the comments about them included,

“They make you look half-naked and then they look like they could fall off, which makes it worse.”

Or what would you think if you were wearing a strapless, but knew that a guy could think:

“It’s as though there’s nothing preventing more exposure, and that invites impure thoughts.” 

Or what about the survey question “Spaghetti-strap shirts and dresses are immodest.” The majority of guys seemed to think so with 21.3% (212) strongly agreeing and 39.6% (394) agreeing.  Some of the guys wrote these comments:

                “These are very immodest as they are skin tight, low-cut, and have big holes where the sleeves should be, thus showing even more skin,” And:

                “I would say neutral, but here’s the deal: With these things it’s kinda hard to not show a bra strap, and without a bra… Well, you get the picture.”

What about skirts that hit above the knee?  Of the guys involved with the modesty survey, 17.3% (172 of them) strongly believed “Skirts that fall above the knee are immodest” and 41% (407 of them) agreed they were immodest.  Some of the comments from the guys participating included:

 “It depends on the specific height above the knee.  I’d be fine with skirts just above the knee, but when they start getting shorter, then we have real problems,”

“A little above the knee is fine as long as a girl is careful how she sits.” And:

 “If it’s considerably up your thigh when you are standing up, it’s quite a stumbling block. If it creeps over your knees when you sit down, it’s no big deal.” 

Or how about short shorts (above mid-thigh).  Are “Any shorts that are shorter than mid-thigh immodest”? A large majority of the guys thought they were immodest with 402 (41.9%) strongly agreeing they were immodest and 402 (41.9%) agreeing.  Some of the comments show how powerful a statement how we are dressed is such as:

“Yes, there comes a point when it starts to look a lot more like underwear and a lot less like shorts,”

“By the time you get to mid-thigh it can be difficult to stop attempting to look,”

“Respect yourself through your wardrobe. Short shorts are not respectful, and, at best, they are a distraction to guys,” And:

“If it goes above mid-thigh, why bother wearing shorts?”

Do you see that how we dress affects other guys?  Now, I totally agree that guys must learn to control their thoughts…  But we, as girls, must also help them by dressing modestly and purely as well.  1 Timothy 2:9-10 says, “In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”  These verses state that we must be sure to have a pure and Christ-seeking heart, but also that we wear clothes that are modest.  If we follow these guidelines, we will also be doing our brothers in Christ a huge favor by encouraging them to follow what Christ has commanded them.  In Matthew 5:28, we are told that “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Don’t we want to dress modestly so as to encourage guys to look at us as sisters to protect and care for instead of them looking at us with lust?

There are many other verses that speak of how women should dress, but also conduct themselves. 1 Peter 3:3-4 gives us further instruction: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” While how we dress is a huge part of being modest and feminine and acting in a pure manner, there is more to it.  What we do with how we dress and act is a symbol of what is truly within us – Christ.  One of the questions on the Modesty Survey also dealt with this. 

The statement was “A modestly dressed girl can still be a stumbling block because of her attitude and behavior.”  Of the participants, 649 (53.5%) strongly agreed and 489 (40.3%) agreed.  Some of the guys even went expounded on their reasoning by saying:

 “Modesty and true godliness must go together. 1 Timothy 2:8-10 is calling women away from hypocrisy.  He’s saying that the outward needs to match the inner (and vice versa),”

“A modest girl that enjoys flirting is just as bad as a girl that is immodest that does not flirt.  Modesty is not only the way a woman dresses, but how she acts,” And:

“Modesty is primarily a matter of the heart that will manifest itself in a number of areas including dress and attitude and behavior.  The dress may give the appearance of modesty but the heart will find a way to telegraph immodesty in other ways such as attitudes and behavior.”

I don’t believe that how we dress is everything.  I do believe it is extremely important…just as important as our attitudes and behavior.  Ultimately, yes, the heart is what really matters.  But I believe our outward appearance should be a reflection of our inward faith.  Maybe we don’t see it as immodest, but we are girls and we do think differently than guys. Yes, guys do need to learn how to control their thoughts and a guy can think impure thoughts about a girl who is dressed and acting modestly.  But it is far less likely to happen if we dress and act in a pure and modest manner.

If you are interested in the topic, I do highly recommend perusing the Rebelution’s Modesty Survey.  I don’t agree with everything pertaining to the survey but it is food for thought and many of the results are highly enlightening. 

I believe that dressing modestly is important.  I also understand that everyone has their own individual standards.  But I think that there can be some overall guidelines that can be gained which would be acceptable for anyone.  Wearing things that reveal too much skin (skirts/shorts too far above the knee, halter tops, bikinis, too-revealing-tanktops, spaghetti-strap shirts/dresses, or camisoles only, etc.) are obviously not enough.  We must remain modest to not only keep ourselves pure, but help keep our brothers in Christ pure, as well.  Yes, the heart is the most important – but our outward appearances should always reflect our inward faith and beliefs.  And that is why I believe it is so important to dress modestly and am an active and hard-core promoter of it.

Real Men and Real Women

 

Have you ever wondered what sort of qualities real men and real women possess?  What are some things that we can do to show that we follow Him and love Him?  How should we conduct ourselves?

While I don’t believe these are by any means “complete” lists, I thought these two articles were extremely valuable!  Go to the Rebelution to read these articles! I actually have the PDF versions of them printed out to have handy because I like them so much (the PDFs are linked within the sites below)!

Read: “A Real Man”

Read: “A Real Woman”

While I do not believe that you need to have all of these qualities to be a real man or a real woman, I DO believe that we should be striving and working to have all of these qualities. I hope this might encourage you to be Real Men and Real Women! 

Oh! How I Love to Tease!

Photo Courtesy

My family has always loved to joke and tease each other, and oh the fun we do have!  It seems that no matter the subject, my family can always find something to laugh about.  The subject of boys, however, was rarely ever a matter that any jokes were made about.  The occasional joke would pass once in awhile between my sister and I, but for the most part, it was not really a subject that was discussed in our home.  Both my parents had made terrible mistakes when they were younger and they wanted so much to save their daughters from the terrible heartache that they themselves had experienced.  And so, in a house of two daughters, the “B” word was a very serious subject and not one to be taken lightly.  


In my late teens, I made some very good friends who I enjoyed immensely.  They were wonderful examples to me in many ways and greatly brightened my life, however, there was one very bad habit that I picked up from them - teasing other girls about boys.
  
Of course, I had been around this kind of teasing before.  I believe it’s quite impossible to make it to almost any age without such teasing coming up in some form, but this, however, was just a more concentrated form of teasing than I had really been around before. (And much more fun!)  I remember a stack of us girls stretched out on a bed, teasing each other about different boys.  It seemed so fun, so absolutely harmless and even innocent.

Photo Courtesy

     At home, I began to tease my sister, and she too discovered it to be fun and tossed a bit of teasing back at me.  The teasing grew steadily worse between the two of us until neither of us could mention a boy without the other saying, “Ohh la la!” or making some other comment.  And it was fun, very fun, but something began to bother each of us down deep in our hearts and a discontented feeling grew stronger with each comment made.  

     If you have created a mental image that my sister and I were perfect angels on this subject, you can just erase that thought because, we certainly were not!  We were, however, raised to be very careful in this area of our lives, and for that I am ever grateful!  We had each struggled with different issues and discontentment at times but it was nothing compared to the feelings of discontentment that were fed by the continual teasing of one another on this subject.  What had seemed like innocent, harmless fun had turned into something that made each of us feel as though we would never be able to survive unless prince charming came into our life - and very soon!


The two years that my sister and I spent in continual teasing of each other turned out to be the two most discontented years of my life.  I was extremely frustrated that the right guy had not yet come along and that was nearly all that my dreams and focus for my life had turned into. 

Photo Courtesy

Since my sister and I made the choice to stop teasing each other so continually on this subject, I have been able to focus more clearly and not feel like a frantic, discontent single.  Of course, I someday would like to meet the right man for my life, but more than that, I want him to be the one that the Lord chooses for me. Without the teasing, I am able to more clearly focus and look ahead, where as before I may have chosen a relationship that would not have been the Lord‘s best for me.  Before I may have been driven more by my feelings and not actually because he was the right man for my life.  I have been able to gain a broader perspective on my life and future and have been able to gain a more clear direction for my life - with or without marriage in the picture.  In the past three or so years, since we chose to cease such teasing, I have watched many friends choose relationships based on their feelings and that were against the strong moral values that they had once held so strongly to. Relationships that have only taken them farther away from the Lord instead of bringing them closer to Him.  Discontented and driven blindly by their feelings without being able to see the whole picture clearly.


Simple. Fun. Harmless. Innocent……. Or is it?  


~ Missy