What is Normal?

 

I have caught myself several times this week saying to myself, “I just wish things would go back to normal.”  And that has put those cogs in my brain to turning and thinking, “What is normal?”  When I stopped and looked at it from that perspective, I had to laugh.  My life has been anything but normal the past approximately two years.

It was two years ago this month that Ben broached the subject and asked Dad to officially begin dating/courting me (whatever we did – we didn’t do it in a normal fashion or according to any sort of tradition).  That began a four month intense correspondence between my Dad and Ben (they had talked for the previously 4-ish years, but not nearly like this).  Then came December…Ben and I celebrated Christmas with his family (his parents, sisters, and grandparents)on a Florida vacation and then flew back to Colorado on Christmas to be with my family for another week.  In late December of 2010, Ben proposed to me and I said yes. 

The wedding was tentatively set for between December of 2011 and April of 2012.  By the time Ben returned to the Coast Guard Academy in early January, we had decided on September of 2011.  By mid January it was moved up again to May or June of 2011, right after we both graduated college.  In the end of January, the date of May 28^th, 2011 was chosen.

The next five months were very busy.  In that amount of time my family sold both of our mountain homes (one where we were living and one where my grandmother was living).  We dealt with some very personal family issues that, to this day, still rock our world as we work through them.  They aren’t “bad” but they are challenging and they have changed our family forever.  Ben and I worked hard to finish our schooling and degrees, learned we were moving to the west coast for our first Coast Guard station, and planned and worked on the wedding with our families.  Ben and I both graduated in mid-May from college.

On May 28^th, we stood in front of about 175 family and friends and took our vows to be man and wife.  It was a wonderful day.  It was the easiest thing in the world to say “I do” to my new husband…and it was the hardest thing I have ever done to say “Farewell” to my family.  After a honeymoon and time with our families, we moved, arriving at our new home in mid-June of 2011.  Ben reported to his new unit in the end of June.

But before he reported for duty, I took a test that changed our lives drastically again.  I was expecting.   After suspecting it for quite some time, I finally had the guts to find out.  Three pregnancy tests later, I finally believed it.  The next eight months were a whirlwind with the Coast Guard work that Ben was involved in and with us preparing for our little boy.  For the first six of those months I worked from home.  Two months before the due date, I resigned my position to focus on what I thought was most important – my family. 

In February, we welcomed our little bundle of joy – James.  In the past months, we have gone from expecting, to having a helpless precious newborn in our arms, to having an infant to adjust with, to now having an active, communicative, extremely fun little baby to chase around our house.   He has changed our lives forever and there will never be a regret of having him early in our marriage like so many said we would.  And he is constantly changing.  Each day there is something new to see, explore, listen to, etc.

Since reporting to our unit in June of 2011, Ben and I have never had more than seven days/nights together in a row – with the exception of when I accompanied him to a school in Virginia last August and when he was granted paternal leave for 10 days after James was born. In August of 2012, we had an 18 day leave to visit family and friends, and that will be the longest straight we have had since officially beginning work in the Coast Guard.

This past summer, I have learned, to a certain extent, to be more gentle with those who are called “single mothers.”  Maybe they got there by some wrong-doing…  Maybe some of those who you see struggling aren’t really “single” mothers, but have a husband deployed to serve our country…  No matter what though, they have a hard job to undertake.  And I know most of them want to do it.  While I have a wonderful, supportive husband…the truth of the matter is that he is not here all the time.  For approximately 90 days during the summer, I saw him for a total of about 18-20 days.  It’s been hard…but we are making it.  But it gives me a higher level of sympathy for those I see trying to make it work on their own.

This coming winter, we will learn of a new change in our life.  We will be moving in the summer of 2012.  We don’t know where.  We don’t know what Ben will be doing.  We pray it is some place and some job that Ben can do and come home almost every day.  But it is yet another bend in the road that we can see, but don’t know what is around the corner.

So…. “Normal?”  Hardly.  I am sure if I thought about it that life has never been “normal.”  But since getting married, I can definitely say that our “normal” means “constantly changing.”  Honestly, I realized that when I said I wanted life to be “normal” what I really meant is that I wanted my life to be a certain way that I thought up and dreamed up.  But maybe that really isn’t what God has for us.  While this past year or so has been wonderful, it has also had some extremely rough spots.  I don’t know why they were there and I have sometimes wished they just never happened.  But I have begun to realize that…I might never know.  But I do know that the Lord has put them there for a reason.  We have learned much from them.  Sometimes I don’t know what we have learned and sometimes I do.  I know that down the road I may look back a few years to this time and have a lightbulb moment of “So that is why that happened.”  And at other times, I am sure I will still look at an occasion in bewilderment of why we actually had to go through something.  But I do know that God has a plan.  And this is where He has us for now. 

Do I really want life to be normal?  Maybe not.  Maybe I’d be too bored.  I still have dreams….  I don’t know how many times a day I pray that the Lord will bring us to a place where Ben will be home more often.  Where I ask the Lord to put us in a good assignment next year when we move so that he can come home every day.  So that he can watch James (and any future children, if the Lord so wills) grow.  So that I can talk with him about what is going on every day.  So that he can see James change on a daily basis instead of leaving one week and coming back sometime a few weeks later to find a totally different baby than when he left.  But for now…. I think I need to accept that my normal is actually abnormal.  That my life is how it is because that is how God wants it.  I may not like portions of it, but I can still be thankful for them.  And I am sure that the Lord has a plan and a reason that I can’t begin to comprehend….

So here is to life being abnormal.  To the quirks and instability in our schedule.  To the tears and disappointment that I have shed wishing that something was different, that Ben was home more.  Here’s to the tears of happiness that I’ve shed of seeing James grow, yet wishing more than anything that Ben was at my side watching it happen.  Here’s to the smiles of joy and happiness I have had with my husband and son as we explore our new life together.  Here’s to the quiet moments of contentment that I sometimes enjoy while rocking James or quietly curled up on the couch while watching James and Ben do something together.  Here’s to the storms that have rocked our world.  And here’s to the rainbows that have peeped out behind those storms every single time. 

*deep breath*

Here’s to that bend in the road that we know is coming up, but do not yet know what is around the corner.  Here’s to the plans that I know the Lord has in store for us.  And here is to the changing winds that propel us in this life: sometimes a soft breeze comforting us in a stable period; sometimes a thunderstorm that gusts and tosses our ship about as we go through a time of needing to seek Him more than anything; but always and forever carefully guiding us through the seas that we are supposed to travel.

The Importance of Dressing Modestly: Why I Believe What I Believe

 A few days ago, a friend and I were discussing my beliefs on modesty and I have to admit I was rather aghast when I realized I didn’t really have as good of documentation as I thought I had.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe strongly in dressing modestly and I think most of you who read this blog (if not all of you!) would also agree with that.  I also realize, however, that many of us might disagree on what would be considered modest. 

Before I go into this, let me say that I believe and know that I fail at this some times.  I don’t claim to be the most modest person out there, and I know there have been times that I have acted, behaved, or dressed in a manner that was far from modest.  I am not perfect – I am far, far, far from it.  But I try very hard to act, behave, and dress modestly and I hope that I succeed most of the time.  I do believe that the Lord can, and will, forgive us of our faults and I am so thankful for that forgiveness and mercy.  However, I still believe that it is important to be an outward and inward proponent of modesty.  And that is one reason why I write about it and try to encourage others in the ways of modesty.

Take for instance my previous blog on swimsuits.  I personally believe that showing any sort of cleavage or stomach is “immodest.”  Halter-tops, in my opinion, are also very immodest – in any way, shape or form.  If I can see too much of my back with a swimsuit, I quickly toss it aside as “not appropriate”…almost as fast as I cast aside a swimsuit that shows too much of my front.  I even believe a lot of one-piece swimsuits are immodest.  A lot of you would probably find my opinions radical.  And that is fine.  I know we are all entitled to our own opinions.  I still believe that being modest is important, and I believe that showing too much skin is immodest.

Now, I promise this is not another swimsuit post.  I was just using it as an example of my opinions. But let me share with you why I believe these sort of clothing items are immodest.  A big part of it is “think like a guy.”  Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  And trust me, as a girl – it is hard to think like a guy in this area.  While clothing that is too revealing (on both boys and girls) makes me extremely uncomfortable, it does not lead me to think impure thoughts.  Usually I find myself thinking, “Please, please, please cover up.  You don’t know what you are showing about yourself and even if you have a beautiful heart, it is so hard to see that with that much skin showing!”  Or I find myself blushing and thinking, “This is so sad. Someone who could be so beautiful is flaunting something that should be saved for their husband/wife.”

But guys don’t think that way.  Seeing certain things on a girl leads them to think thoughts which are impure.  In other words, how we dress can encourage a guy to sin.  Now I am not saying that it is our fault for a guy sinning.  But I am saying that I think it is important not to be a stumbling block.  While I knew some about how guys think about clothing and modesty from reading and researching and previously formulating my opinions, when I got married and could have any sort of talk I wanted with my husband, it astonished me how much affect looks and the way girls dress have on a guy.  And it is a little frightening to me how innocent, modest, immodest, and impure girls alike can tempt guys, be we knowledge of the fact or not, just based on how we dress.

We are commanded by God to look out for our brothers and sisters in Christ (and I think I should be just as concerned as the unbeliever, as well) by making sure that we present ourselves in such a way that makes them think of us as a sister.  I want others to view me with pure thoughts.  And in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 it is instructed that the young men should “not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and young women as sisters, with all purity.” (Emphasis mine.)  Similarly, it is our jobs to make sure we act and behave in such a way so as to encourage the young men about us to think of us in a pure fashion.   And that means we do have to dress modestly.

Whether you think it is okay or not, we all have to agree that that most two piece swimsuits are little more than what we wear as undergarments. I know this might come across as offensive to you if you like those, but let’s set aside emotions and just look at the fact.  Maybe there is a little bit more thickness in the fabric.  Maybe there is a tiny bit more yardage of fabric.  However, be it right or not, it is about the same amount of cloth and it is just as revealing.  But because it is worn swimming at the pool or on the beach while tanning, it is somehow viewed in our culture as being “okay.”

But…for now, let me take a quick tangent and let me introduce (or reintroduce, if you have already been introduced) to the Rebelution’s Modesty Survey.  This Modesty Survey gained the opinions of 1,600 Christian guys on how certain clothing, attitudes, etc. of girls affected them.  Let’s glance at a few of the swimsuit topics at first.

One of the survey questions stated “Bikini swimsuits are immodest.”  Of those who replied, 59.3% of the men strongly agreed (626 altogether) and 25% agreed (264 altogether).  One of the men who responded to this question (and strongly agreed) even wrote this:

“If you don't understand this, you need to start at square one. The more skin that is revealed, the more of a stumbling block. You can't reveal more skin than with a bikini. If you understood the purpose of publications like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, or the objectification of swimsuit and lingerie models, you wouldn't want to wear a bikini -- unless you actually want men to sin as they look at you.”

Another survey question stated, “Halter-top swimsuits are immodest.” Of those who replied, 21.7% (228 men) strongly agreed and 34.4% (362 men) agreed.  One guy wrote:

“Like all halter-tops, these are very difficult for guys to ignore.”

While another said,

“It’s hard to be modest and wear that. I don’t think a girl attempting to live out her modesty would be attracted to wearing it in the first place.” 

Another wrote:

“This sounds stupid, but I’ll be honest; the strings kick the imagination into “what if” overdrive.”

Let’s step away from swimsuits and look at other issues.  Such as the survey questions “strapless dresses are immodest.”  In the survey, 29.5% (292 guys) said that they strongly agreed they were immodest and 36.4% (361 guys) stated they agreed.  Some of the comments about them included,

“They make you look half-naked and then they look like they could fall off, which makes it worse.”

Or what would you think if you were wearing a strapless, but knew that a guy could think:

“It’s as though there’s nothing preventing more exposure, and that invites impure thoughts.” 

Or what about the survey question “Spaghetti-strap shirts and dresses are immodest.” The majority of guys seemed to think so with 21.3% (212) strongly agreeing and 39.6% (394) agreeing.  Some of the guys wrote these comments:

                “These are very immodest as they are skin tight, low-cut, and have big holes where the sleeves should be, thus showing even more skin,” And:

                “I would say neutral, but here’s the deal: With these things it’s kinda hard to not show a bra strap, and without a bra… Well, you get the picture.”

What about skirts that hit above the knee?  Of the guys involved with the modesty survey, 17.3% (172 of them) strongly believed “Skirts that fall above the knee are immodest” and 41% (407 of them) agreed they were immodest.  Some of the comments from the guys participating included:

 “It depends on the specific height above the knee.  I’d be fine with skirts just above the knee, but when they start getting shorter, then we have real problems,”

“A little above the knee is fine as long as a girl is careful how she sits.” And:

 “If it’s considerably up your thigh when you are standing up, it’s quite a stumbling block. If it creeps over your knees when you sit down, it’s no big deal.” 

Or how about short shorts (above mid-thigh).  Are “Any shorts that are shorter than mid-thigh immodest”? A large majority of the guys thought they were immodest with 402 (41.9%) strongly agreeing they were immodest and 402 (41.9%) agreeing.  Some of the comments show how powerful a statement how we are dressed is such as:

“Yes, there comes a point when it starts to look a lot more like underwear and a lot less like shorts,”

“By the time you get to mid-thigh it can be difficult to stop attempting to look,”

“Respect yourself through your wardrobe. Short shorts are not respectful, and, at best, they are a distraction to guys,” And:

“If it goes above mid-thigh, why bother wearing shorts?”

Do you see that how we dress affects other guys?  Now, I totally agree that guys must learn to control their thoughts…  But we, as girls, must also help them by dressing modestly and purely as well.  1 Timothy 2:9-10 says, “In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”  These verses state that we must be sure to have a pure and Christ-seeking heart, but also that we wear clothes that are modest.  If we follow these guidelines, we will also be doing our brothers in Christ a huge favor by encouraging them to follow what Christ has commanded them.  In Matthew 5:28, we are told that “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Don’t we want to dress modestly so as to encourage guys to look at us as sisters to protect and care for instead of them looking at us with lust?

There are many other verses that speak of how women should dress, but also conduct themselves. 1 Peter 3:3-4 gives us further instruction: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” While how we dress is a huge part of being modest and feminine and acting in a pure manner, there is more to it.  What we do with how we dress and act is a symbol of what is truly within us – Christ.  One of the questions on the Modesty Survey also dealt with this. 

The statement was “A modestly dressed girl can still be a stumbling block because of her attitude and behavior.”  Of the participants, 649 (53.5%) strongly agreed and 489 (40.3%) agreed.  Some of the guys even went expounded on their reasoning by saying:

 “Modesty and true godliness must go together. 1 Timothy 2:8-10 is calling women away from hypocrisy.  He’s saying that the outward needs to match the inner (and vice versa),”

“A modest girl that enjoys flirting is just as bad as a girl that is immodest that does not flirt.  Modesty is not only the way a woman dresses, but how she acts,” And:

“Modesty is primarily a matter of the heart that will manifest itself in a number of areas including dress and attitude and behavior.  The dress may give the appearance of modesty but the heart will find a way to telegraph immodesty in other ways such as attitudes and behavior.”

I don’t believe that how we dress is everything.  I do believe it is extremely important…just as important as our attitudes and behavior.  Ultimately, yes, the heart is what really matters.  But I believe our outward appearance should be a reflection of our inward faith.  Maybe we don’t see it as immodest, but we are girls and we do think differently than guys. Yes, guys do need to learn how to control their thoughts and a guy can think impure thoughts about a girl who is dressed and acting modestly.  But it is far less likely to happen if we dress and act in a pure and modest manner.

If you are interested in the topic, I do highly recommend perusing the Rebelution’s Modesty Survey.  I don’t agree with everything pertaining to the survey but it is food for thought and many of the results are highly enlightening. 

I believe that dressing modestly is important.  I also understand that everyone has their own individual standards.  But I think that there can be some overall guidelines that can be gained which would be acceptable for anyone.  Wearing things that reveal too much skin (skirts/shorts too far above the knee, halter tops, bikinis, too-revealing-tanktops, spaghetti-strap shirts/dresses, or camisoles only, etc.) are obviously not enough.  We must remain modest to not only keep ourselves pure, but help keep our brothers in Christ pure, as well.  Yes, the heart is the most important – but our outward appearances should always reflect our inward faith and beliefs.  And that is why I believe it is so important to dress modestly and am an active and hard-core promoter of it.

Real Men and Real Women

 

Have you ever wondered what sort of qualities real men and real women possess?  What are some things that we can do to show that we follow Him and love Him?  How should we conduct ourselves?

While I don’t believe these are by any means “complete” lists, I thought these two articles were extremely valuable!  Go to the Rebelution to read these articles! I actually have the PDF versions of them printed out to have handy because I like them so much (the PDFs are linked within the sites below)!

Read: “A Real Man”

Read: “A Real Woman”

While I do not believe that you need to have all of these qualities to be a real man or a real woman, I DO believe that we should be striving and working to have all of these qualities. I hope this might encourage you to be Real Men and Real Women! 

Recipe Monday - It's Spelled "J-E-L-L-O"

Photo Courtesy

It's spelled J-E-L-L-O!  Yes, that yummy, unhealthy stuff made of sugar, gelatin and colored junk!  I don't remember the last time I ate JELLO because it's such a rare occasion due to how unhealthy it is.  So why am I making a post about JELLO?  Because I found some really awesome JELLO ideas that were too awesome not to share with someone! So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the cool pictures - and then don't let your JELLO craving overtake you!

(In other words, this is a torture post, Mwahaha!)

^^ What an awesome idea!  Turn something healthy into something completely unhealthy!  How creative! 

Photo Courtesy

Credit Unknown

 This might really gross some of you out,

but it made me laugh!  

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My favorite!  A JELLO aquarium!  

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Wash out Legos/Mega Blocks and then
fill with jello for Lego Jello!

Credit Unknown

          So, now that I have thoroughly tortured you, let me introduce you to a healthy version of Jello. (Well, much more healthy!)  That's right! there is a healthy version and it is delicious!
 

Find the recipe on this website, try it,

then let me know what you think!  

Healthy Jello

~ Missy