What's at the Heart of Modesty?

A friend and I were talking a while back (you may notice a trend in my posts…oftentimes I get ideas from conversations with others) and we were discussing what is at the heart of modesty.  Some think of it as shame.  Modesty and fully covering one’s self is because you should be ashamed of what you could do with yourself…like use your body wrongly.  But this is completely not the reason why modesty is so important.

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 Modesty, on the contrary, is to protect a precious pearl.  You are beautiful.  God created you beautiful and exactly the way you should be.  And that is amazing.  However, God also created you to share your life in that special way for that one special guy.  Modesty, covering one’s self appropriately, and acting in a ladylike and godly manner, protects that pearl and saves it from the harsh elements of the world.  If exposed, that pearl is beaten and chipped until it is barely recognizable as the beautiful pearl that God created.  But if we behave according to how He would want us to, it is a beautiful thing that we cherish and modesty is one of the means we have in protecting that. 

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Getting to Know Him

It’s 10am.  A pretty girl is sitting at her computer going through the list of things that must be done today: homework, chores, family time, work, and other odds and ends that make up a huge list.  It seems impossible to get it all done.  On top of that, there is, of course, Bible time that should take a priority.  With a sigh, the girl decides she needs a break or she’ll go crazy.  She logs into her computer, checks her email, chats with a few friends, and reads some Christian blogs.  While reading the blogs, she posts a few comments while talking to her friends for about an hour.  Then she returns to the crazy tasks of the day.  But at the end of the day, she crawls into bed realizing that she never got to Bible time.  In exhaustion she says, “I’ll get to it tomorrow” and falls asleep.

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 Sound familiar?  I am guessing it does.  We’ve all done it at some point.  And for a day or two, it’s actually somewhat understandable.  I don’t think it is excusable, because Jesus should be our all and we should always make time for Him.  However, life does get crazy and it does happen, whether it should or should not.  The problem with this scenario is that it can often go on for days, weeks, or months – always so busy that we never make time for Him. 

What is interesting to me, is that in order to make ourselves feel better, we often read Christian blogs online and post short comments saying that we agree or longer comments expounding on some topic…  And that somehow makes us feel spiritual or like we have spent our Christian-time that was required of us for that day.  Christian blogs are good.  They can be very encouraging and helpful.  However, they should never ever be a substitute for reading His Word, the Bible. 

It is curious to me how we work as humans.  We can’t make time for reading and studying His Word – but if you think about it, we probably have plenty of time.  We just think of texting and chatting with our friends, email writing, and blog reading as one of the priorities of life.  We probably (or at least, most of us probably) spend 2-3 hours doing these activities each day.  If we even took ¼ or ½ of that time, we would have plenty of time to study His Word and truly get the time we need to learn about Him.

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 I’m not trying to judge anyone or condemn anyone here.  Trust me, I’ve done this too.  But I am trying to encourage all of us to truly make time for Him.  He gave us His all, the least we can do is at least make sure He gets some time of day from us.  It is important to spend time in His Word – it’s what gives us direction, helps us grow in Him, helps us make wise decisions, and so much more.  Oftentimes I think we do things because we want others to think positively about us.  This drives us to read what everyone else reads, comment on posts, and write blogs that say a lot of good things.  And none of these are bad things.  In fact, they can be very good things.  Missy, Chip, and I like writing for our blogs.  We like commenting on other people’s blogs and we love reading your blogs and comments on our blog.  But if we did only those things and didn’t spend time in His Word, that would be very serious.  The Word keeps us grounded…not blogs and comments. 

I hope that you will be encouraged to really get to know Him – to study, read, and pray.  Spend time with Him.  He is amazing and He leads and guides us faithfully.  The least we can do is give Him some of our time.  And I know you won’t regret doing it! 

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How to Grow Long Hair - Pt 1

"The Gift Of Long Hair"

          I was recently asked the question, "Do you have any tips for growing long hair?"
          The answer is YES! I do!  As I started to write a list of growing long hair tips, the list turned into this article about long hair.  I hope you will read it and look at your hair with new eyes and then come back later for the helpful tips on how to grow long, healthy hair.

          In a world of feminism where women are trying to become like men, long hair is becoming increasingly rare in our culture.   So why have long hair?  

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          In 1 Corinthians 11 we learn that a woman’s hair is her “Glory.”  It is a special crown that God made especially for women to make them distinctly different from men.  Today, we are taught that we must compete with men, to be better than them and that we can do anything they can do.  Women are deeply offended when they read verses such as 1 Peter 3:7 when it says, “…husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel….”
    “The Bible just called us WHAT?  I’m not weak!  I can do anything that a man can do, in fact, I can do it better!”
          The writer of this verse did not mean the word “Weak” to be as in wimpy or not capable of doing anything. A husband is to treat a woman gently like one would treat a rose.  A rose is precious and beautiful, but it needs to be treated gently so it can bloom, if not, it will wilt and die.  
          In Proverbs 12:4 it says that “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed (Or she who brings shame) is like rottenness in his bones.”
           To understand this properly we have to look at the word - “Virtuous”  This word means,  “Good, righteous, worthy, honorable, moral, upright, honest”

          If you have ever tried, or are working to become a virtuous woman, then you should know well by now that to become virtuous takes a very TOUGH woman!  It’s so much easier to be bad then good, unrighteous then righteous, unworthy instead of worthy.  To do things that are not honorable, moral, upright, and let’s not forget honest! It’s much easier to force our opinions then to humbly listen to others, to insist on our own way then to consider others as better then ourselves, and it is much easier to be served then to have a true servant’s heart.  Though most women would never admit it, they are not the virtuous woman in this verse but rather the one that brings shame upon her home and upon her husband.  One of the biggest reasons for this is our increasing desire throw away a crown and want to replace it with a dirty shovel instead.  
          So what does this have to do with hair?!   I’m getting to that…
          When God gave woman her long hair, He gave it to her to be her glory, as a precious gift from Him to make her distinctly different from the man.  I find it fascinating that when  God created humans to be made in His likeness, His image, to show His glory, that the distinguishing comment that He made about what He had just created was not of how smart they would be, or how beautiful they would be, or how creative, but rather He glorified the fact that He made them as “Male,” and “Female.”  As “Man” and “Woman.”   He created them so that working together they could form an image that portrayed His ultimate beauty.  Contrary to popular opinion, the Bible never degrades women nor does it demean men but exalts both as being the most precious creation of God.  (But that’s a whole other blog post)
          Our world says that gender no longer matters and that there is no need for anything distinctive difference between men and women, in fact, you can now even chose what gender you want to be!  But to the Lord, gender does matter and so do distinctive factors like hair and outward displays of pure, true femininity. 

          If you have long hair or you want to grow it long, what is your motive?  Is it to draw attention to yourself?  To try to fit a certain style? Or is your heart to treasure the special gift, the “Glory”, that your Heavenly Father has given you as a woman?  If you have short hair, what is your reason? Insecurity? Fashion? Rebellion? Or just annoyance and not wanting to take care of it if it were long?  Would you be willing to view your precious hair, whatever color or texture it may be, as a special gift from your Heavenly Father and be willing to care for it and treasure it as the glory He has given you? Will you use it to ultimately use it to point back to His perfect glory?

          We look at hair as a way to express ourselves, to display our style and our personality.  To be chopped off or dyed in one impulsive moment.  But would we be so rash if we could see our hair as the precious gift that God has given us as women?  Imagine a Father who loves His daughter so very much that He gives her a precious crown to wear on her head and she takes it and discards it in the dirt as if it were nothing.  That would hurt…

          Most of you will probably never have knee length hair or ever hair that reaches your elbow, but would you be willing to look at your hair as the gift that it was intended to be? Not comparing your gift with the hair of others and trying to constantly change it, never happy with what’s been given to you.  Would you be willing to truly look at it as a gift and something that you can use to point to God’s ultimate goodness and glory?  I hope you realize what a special treasure that you possess.

          If so, then you are now ready for tips on how to grow long, healthy hair!  To be posted on October 20th.

Video - "What Kind of Guy Should You Date?" From a man's perspective

Hello Ladies!  I recently discovered this video and thought that it would be awesome to share with you what kind of guy you should date from a Christian man's perspective.  I hope you will watch it, be inspired and encouraged to look for a 6/11 type guy.

The Importance of Dressing Modestly: Why I Believe What I Believe

 A few days ago, a friend and I were discussing my beliefs on modesty and I have to admit I was rather aghast when I realized I didn’t really have as good of documentation as I thought I had.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe strongly in dressing modestly and I think most of you who read this blog (if not all of you!) would also agree with that.  I also realize, however, that many of us might disagree on what would be considered modest. 

Before I go into this, let me say that I believe and know that I fail at this some times.  I don’t claim to be the most modest person out there, and I know there have been times that I have acted, behaved, or dressed in a manner that was far from modest.  I am not perfect – I am far, far, far from it.  But I try very hard to act, behave, and dress modestly and I hope that I succeed most of the time.  I do believe that the Lord can, and will, forgive us of our faults and I am so thankful for that forgiveness and mercy.  However, I still believe that it is important to be an outward and inward proponent of modesty.  And that is one reason why I write about it and try to encourage others in the ways of modesty.

Take for instance my previous blog on swimsuits.  I personally believe that showing any sort of cleavage or stomach is “immodest.”  Halter-tops, in my opinion, are also very immodest – in any way, shape or form.  If I can see too much of my back with a swimsuit, I quickly toss it aside as “not appropriate”…almost as fast as I cast aside a swimsuit that shows too much of my front.  I even believe a lot of one-piece swimsuits are immodest.  A lot of you would probably find my opinions radical.  And that is fine.  I know we are all entitled to our own opinions.  I still believe that being modest is important, and I believe that showing too much skin is immodest.

Now, I promise this is not another swimsuit post.  I was just using it as an example of my opinions. But let me share with you why I believe these sort of clothing items are immodest.  A big part of it is “think like a guy.”  Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  And trust me, as a girl – it is hard to think like a guy in this area.  While clothing that is too revealing (on both boys and girls) makes me extremely uncomfortable, it does not lead me to think impure thoughts.  Usually I find myself thinking, “Please, please, please cover up.  You don’t know what you are showing about yourself and even if you have a beautiful heart, it is so hard to see that with that much skin showing!”  Or I find myself blushing and thinking, “This is so sad. Someone who could be so beautiful is flaunting something that should be saved for their husband/wife.”

But guys don’t think that way.  Seeing certain things on a girl leads them to think thoughts which are impure.  In other words, how we dress can encourage a guy to sin.  Now I am not saying that it is our fault for a guy sinning.  But I am saying that I think it is important not to be a stumbling block.  While I knew some about how guys think about clothing and modesty from reading and researching and previously formulating my opinions, when I got married and could have any sort of talk I wanted with my husband, it astonished me how much affect looks and the way girls dress have on a guy.  And it is a little frightening to me how innocent, modest, immodest, and impure girls alike can tempt guys, be we knowledge of the fact or not, just based on how we dress.

We are commanded by God to look out for our brothers and sisters in Christ (and I think I should be just as concerned as the unbeliever, as well) by making sure that we present ourselves in such a way that makes them think of us as a sister.  I want others to view me with pure thoughts.  And in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 it is instructed that the young men should “not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and young women as sisters, with all purity.” (Emphasis mine.)  Similarly, it is our jobs to make sure we act and behave in such a way so as to encourage the young men about us to think of us in a pure fashion.   And that means we do have to dress modestly.

Whether you think it is okay or not, we all have to agree that that most two piece swimsuits are little more than what we wear as undergarments. I know this might come across as offensive to you if you like those, but let’s set aside emotions and just look at the fact.  Maybe there is a little bit more thickness in the fabric.  Maybe there is a tiny bit more yardage of fabric.  However, be it right or not, it is about the same amount of cloth and it is just as revealing.  But because it is worn swimming at the pool or on the beach while tanning, it is somehow viewed in our culture as being “okay.”

But…for now, let me take a quick tangent and let me introduce (or reintroduce, if you have already been introduced) to the Rebelution’s Modesty Survey.  This Modesty Survey gained the opinions of 1,600 Christian guys on how certain clothing, attitudes, etc. of girls affected them.  Let’s glance at a few of the swimsuit topics at first.

One of the survey questions stated “Bikini swimsuits are immodest.”  Of those who replied, 59.3% of the men strongly agreed (626 altogether) and 25% agreed (264 altogether).  One of the men who responded to this question (and strongly agreed) even wrote this:

“If you don't understand this, you need to start at square one. The more skin that is revealed, the more of a stumbling block. You can't reveal more skin than with a bikini. If you understood the purpose of publications like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, or the objectification of swimsuit and lingerie models, you wouldn't want to wear a bikini -- unless you actually want men to sin as they look at you.”

Another survey question stated, “Halter-top swimsuits are immodest.” Of those who replied, 21.7% (228 men) strongly agreed and 34.4% (362 men) agreed.  One guy wrote:

“Like all halter-tops, these are very difficult for guys to ignore.”

While another said,

“It’s hard to be modest and wear that. I don’t think a girl attempting to live out her modesty would be attracted to wearing it in the first place.” 

Another wrote:

“This sounds stupid, but I’ll be honest; the strings kick the imagination into “what if” overdrive.”

Let’s step away from swimsuits and look at other issues.  Such as the survey questions “strapless dresses are immodest.”  In the survey, 29.5% (292 guys) said that they strongly agreed they were immodest and 36.4% (361 guys) stated they agreed.  Some of the comments about them included,

“They make you look half-naked and then they look like they could fall off, which makes it worse.”

Or what would you think if you were wearing a strapless, but knew that a guy could think:

“It’s as though there’s nothing preventing more exposure, and that invites impure thoughts.” 

Or what about the survey question “Spaghetti-strap shirts and dresses are immodest.” The majority of guys seemed to think so with 21.3% (212) strongly agreeing and 39.6% (394) agreeing.  Some of the guys wrote these comments:

                “These are very immodest as they are skin tight, low-cut, and have big holes where the sleeves should be, thus showing even more skin,” And:

                “I would say neutral, but here’s the deal: With these things it’s kinda hard to not show a bra strap, and without a bra… Well, you get the picture.”

What about skirts that hit above the knee?  Of the guys involved with the modesty survey, 17.3% (172 of them) strongly believed “Skirts that fall above the knee are immodest” and 41% (407 of them) agreed they were immodest.  Some of the comments from the guys participating included:

 “It depends on the specific height above the knee.  I’d be fine with skirts just above the knee, but when they start getting shorter, then we have real problems,”

“A little above the knee is fine as long as a girl is careful how she sits.” And:

 “If it’s considerably up your thigh when you are standing up, it’s quite a stumbling block. If it creeps over your knees when you sit down, it’s no big deal.” 

Or how about short shorts (above mid-thigh).  Are “Any shorts that are shorter than mid-thigh immodest”? A large majority of the guys thought they were immodest with 402 (41.9%) strongly agreeing they were immodest and 402 (41.9%) agreeing.  Some of the comments show how powerful a statement how we are dressed is such as:

“Yes, there comes a point when it starts to look a lot more like underwear and a lot less like shorts,”

“By the time you get to mid-thigh it can be difficult to stop attempting to look,”

“Respect yourself through your wardrobe. Short shorts are not respectful, and, at best, they are a distraction to guys,” And:

“If it goes above mid-thigh, why bother wearing shorts?”

Do you see that how we dress affects other guys?  Now, I totally agree that guys must learn to control their thoughts…  But we, as girls, must also help them by dressing modestly and purely as well.  1 Timothy 2:9-10 says, “In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”  These verses state that we must be sure to have a pure and Christ-seeking heart, but also that we wear clothes that are modest.  If we follow these guidelines, we will also be doing our brothers in Christ a huge favor by encouraging them to follow what Christ has commanded them.  In Matthew 5:28, we are told that “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Don’t we want to dress modestly so as to encourage guys to look at us as sisters to protect and care for instead of them looking at us with lust?

There are many other verses that speak of how women should dress, but also conduct themselves. 1 Peter 3:3-4 gives us further instruction: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” While how we dress is a huge part of being modest and feminine and acting in a pure manner, there is more to it.  What we do with how we dress and act is a symbol of what is truly within us – Christ.  One of the questions on the Modesty Survey also dealt with this. 

The statement was “A modestly dressed girl can still be a stumbling block because of her attitude and behavior.”  Of the participants, 649 (53.5%) strongly agreed and 489 (40.3%) agreed.  Some of the guys even went expounded on their reasoning by saying:

 “Modesty and true godliness must go together. 1 Timothy 2:8-10 is calling women away from hypocrisy.  He’s saying that the outward needs to match the inner (and vice versa),”

“A modest girl that enjoys flirting is just as bad as a girl that is immodest that does not flirt.  Modesty is not only the way a woman dresses, but how she acts,” And:

“Modesty is primarily a matter of the heart that will manifest itself in a number of areas including dress and attitude and behavior.  The dress may give the appearance of modesty but the heart will find a way to telegraph immodesty in other ways such as attitudes and behavior.”

I don’t believe that how we dress is everything.  I do believe it is extremely important…just as important as our attitudes and behavior.  Ultimately, yes, the heart is what really matters.  But I believe our outward appearance should be a reflection of our inward faith.  Maybe we don’t see it as immodest, but we are girls and we do think differently than guys. Yes, guys do need to learn how to control their thoughts and a guy can think impure thoughts about a girl who is dressed and acting modestly.  But it is far less likely to happen if we dress and act in a pure and modest manner.

If you are interested in the topic, I do highly recommend perusing the Rebelution’s Modesty Survey.  I don’t agree with everything pertaining to the survey but it is food for thought and many of the results are highly enlightening. 

I believe that dressing modestly is important.  I also understand that everyone has their own individual standards.  But I think that there can be some overall guidelines that can be gained which would be acceptable for anyone.  Wearing things that reveal too much skin (skirts/shorts too far above the knee, halter tops, bikinis, too-revealing-tanktops, spaghetti-strap shirts/dresses, or camisoles only, etc.) are obviously not enough.  We must remain modest to not only keep ourselves pure, but help keep our brothers in Christ pure, as well.  Yes, the heart is the most important – but our outward appearances should always reflect our inward faith and beliefs.  And that is why I believe it is so important to dress modestly and am an active and hard-core promoter of it.